Last week, TASE had a fruitful collaboration with Palm Trees Montessori School for their Open House. The gathering was a heartfelt space for parents and teachers to come together in learning, reflecting, and building connection. Dr. Mirasol Delmar shared some insights on understanding children’s emotions through a short parent’s workshop, Supporting Our Children Through Hard Times: Respond, Don’t React, an insightful approach in helping children with their overwhelming emotions.
Children experience emotions intensely yet often lack of words to express it or skills to manage them. When they are having hard time, they tend to stomp, cry, kick tantrum or even lash out.
So, it led to a question, how can we support our children when they are having hard time?
Step 1: Connect First
Logic rarely works until a child’s emotional needs are met and acknowledged. Acknowledging their feelings in a nonjudgmental way, using nonverbals to create connection, such as making eye contact at their eye level, empathetic facial expressions, calm & gentle tone, relaxed shoulders, gentle touches, offering hugs, asking them and letting them finish speaking, and so on.
Avoid dismissing their reality such as “You’re fine, “Don’t cry”, “Don’t be sad”. Instead, validate their feelings like “That looked like it hurt. Tell me what happened.” Then parents and teachers can help them name their emotions or where can they feel it in their body. Labelling emotions helps children calm down and make sense of what they feel.
Step 2: Keep Communication Open
Ask open-ended questions like, “How do you feel?” rather than “Are you sad?” This allows the child to explore more about how he/she feels. When parents and teachers start this act of attunement, we allow them to “feel” their emotions and express them before addressing the issue or solving problems.
Step 3: Redirect and Problem-Solve Together
Once the child has settled down, redirect by addressing the issue or problem-solving with the child. Make them part of the solutions and decision-making. Don’t use complex and abstract words, especially when talking to younger children. Keep the language simple.
By responding with empathy and supporting our children when they are going through a hard time, we are not just easing a moment of distress; we are teaching our children to acknowledge their emotions and how to manage them.
